Ashley was the tender age of 17 when I first met her, a child raised in the foster parent system.
She was brought to my attention by an MCSS employee who was also a Mentor Trainer with Michael Smull and the Learning Community. This woman recognized that Ashley, who was moving from children’s to adult services needed a great deal of attention. Only listening to and planning with Ashley would mean hope for a successful life on her own terms.
Through my job and with this Mentor Trainer’s help, I started to navigate the path of Person Centered Planning with Ashley.
Ashley had major issues that interfered with her ability to trust, make friends, communicate, deal with anger and be a contributing part of the community in general.
Ashley’s eyes looked dead to me. She did not smile or in any way reflect any emotion other than repressed anger.
The first issue I encountered was that Ashley’s current foster mother would not allow herself to be called “mum”. This meant certain failure for this placement. Ashley had felt okay in the foster system as long as she always had a “mum” to anchor her. Even when the relationship wasn’t good, it gave her a sense of security to have a “mum” like everyone else.
We delved into this issue deeply. As Ashley was losing the foster system and entering the Developmental Sector, what was she to do without a mum?
It was by mutual agreement that I became her mum and she, my honorary daughter. As a woman with two teenage sons, this worked for me. I had never been able to completely divorce my work from my private life anyway.
This was and has remained a controversial issue for those who believe in separating home and work. But, then, what is the point of Person Centered Planning, if we don’t individualize things on all levels, for ourselves as well as those we support?
With professional assistance, we recognized that the phone was major source of connection, communication, relationship building as well as a safety line, tool for venting and working through problems, planning for Ashley.
The first few years, our calls back and forth were lengthy, but as time went by, Ashley became more flexible and self-assured, able to work things through on her own.
She was brave facing an uncertain future. The first major goal Ashley reached was graduating with her high school class, receiving a Certificate. Self-Esteem is the real reward.
Ashley tried several living arrangements, some of which were not her choice, and eventually, she proved everyone wrong by moving on her own with Supported Independent Living support of 3 hours a week.
Her SIL worker knows her well and has provided a low-keyed, non-judgmental, flexible approach to Ashley’s changing life. Ashley also had a circle of support around her from “us” (mainly women who were driven and powerful in their own way.) Ashley likes people who can make things happen.
Ashley worked throughout the years on her own Person Centered Plan with the help of her Mentor Trainer friend. I learned to bow out, using the donut or bagel (Ashley likes the non-fattening variety) to discover that it wasn’t my role as “mum”.
This year, Ashley has completed a one year Vocational Certificate Program from Northern College. She will graduate in May. This program gave Ashley the chance to work on some issues that were plaguing her. Her teacher at College was an incredible influence, giving of herself over and over to learn and meet What Made Sense and What Worked and Didn’t Work for Ashley. Community Living Timmins Integration Communautaire had provided the teacher with a workshop on Person Centered Information and work books to help her with her program, and the teacher had used it successfully.
At the end of the year, Ashley received a Certificate for Best Public Speaker. She followed this up by appearing as a speaker and assistant at the Inaugural Ontario Gathering of the Learning Community for person centered practices in Sudbury., Ontario. She told her life story, which was powerful and moving and showed everyone how people can use the Tools of Person Centered Practices to plan for themselves.
Ashley has part-time employment as an Expert Adviser with the four developmental services agencies in our area, and she is creating a reputation for herself as an Advocate for herself and her peers. She has also worked for Child and Family Services, as an office assistant. It was important to Ashley to maintain her roots. Ashley is learning more about Person Centered Planning is working on a future for herself that I’m sure will astound us all!
There has been a multitude of good souls who have helped out, many recruited by Ashley herself. My family, friends, professionals and co-workers who surrounded Ashley as well as our Executive Director whose door is always open to both Ashley and myself, have kept us from giving up.
We have now been together 7 and a half years as mother and daughter. Ashley has enriched my life with her sensitive, empathic love for me and others. She has forced me to reach deep and face who I really am inside, not just on the surface. Ashley has become the daughter I always wanted.
She also has taught me that a formal written plan is not necessary when you have someone who doesn’t want to be constrained by the written word and who sometimes makes changes faster than I can write them down.
Sound too good to be true? Don’t worry! There have been plenty of arguments, controversies, complaints, frustration and a river of tears. If I was to list everything Ashley has tried and accomplished or left behind, this would be a book, not a story. So….”mum’s the word”.
Brenda Beaudoin,
Community Living Timmins
